A White Christmas
by TolkienGeek1
Summary: Brynn struggles with a mix of emotions as the Christmas holiday begins, and Thorin helps her begin to understand them so she may still have a Merry Christmas. One shot!


**Hello dear reader! As usual, here is my Christmas gift to you. This one isn't quite as jolly as the others, but the idea struck a cord with me and I went with it. I hope you enjoy it, and have a very Merry Christmas - from me and our lovely Durin line. :)**

**(Brynn is 15)**

Things were looking bleak. Or more accurately, things we're looking grey, and brown, and dead - all the things Christmas was not supposed to be. Christmas without snow was to Brynn about as depressing as could be. Again, the colours were all wrong - grey, brown, and dead, though dead wasn't a colour. But Brynn still felt it had one. The mountain was a cold grey, the fields of grass surrounding were a gross brown/yellow colour, and all the trees were bare without the cozy covering of a thick blanket of snow. Not even a flake had fallen, and there were only two days until Christmas.

Things were bleak.

Brynn didn't like it. As a matter of fact, she was quite put out by it. And when she was quite put out by trivial matters, everyone around her knew it.

Thorin heard her speech about the importance of white on Christmas, and when she finally ran out of breath he gently informed her with an ounce of amusement that he could not order the sky to break, even if he _was_ King Under the Mountain.

Brynn rolled her eyes. "What good is the crown then?"

Thorin laughed merrily as Brynn left the throne room just as agitated as when she arrived. He had needed a good chuckle.

Kili and Dis were the next victims of Brynns passion, and while Dis simply listened wordlessly, not able to speak for fear of laughing, Kili took his sister very seriously - maybe just a little bit out of mockery. Brynn knew it but didn't mention it. She wasn't so dramatic that she would be annoyed by Kilis fun.

"Darling, I think you should protest." He said, foot propped up on a chair as he gave Brynn his full attention. "The fate of Christmas is at stake."

"It is! But heaven knows the sky won't listen to me. And if Mahal has any say he must have something against me. Protesting will do little good."

"Ah, 'tis true." Kili sighed. "I suppose we'll have to make due then, aye? Make the best of it?"

Brynn huffed. "I might be resigned, but I don't have to be happy about it."

Kili couldn't argue with that.

And finally, Fili sat upon the couch, one ankle crossed over his leg, waiting as his uncle had done for Brynn to run out of air. It was the only thing to do at this point.

"What is Christmas, Fili, if there is no snow?" She said, voice as wounded as if Christmas was cancelled altogether.

"Well, I believe it's still a holiday, sweetheart." Fili said, unable to help a small smile.

Brynn spun around to face him, arms crossed and eyes flashing with righteous indignation at the audacity the sky had to withhold its downfall of winter chill on a land trying to celebrate Christmas. "Are you _laughing_ at this situation, brother? Are you laughing at _me_?"

At this, Fili did laugh, and therefore disallowed himself the ability to say 'no'. He got up off the couch and placed his hands on his sisters shoulders, at which she softened as she always did. Easy to rile up, easy to calm down.

"Brynn, we will have a merry Christmas whether it is white out or not. We can't even see the outside from where we spend most of the day."

Brynn sighed, wrapping her arms around Filis waist. "Yes, of course. But I'll still know."

Fili kissed the top of her head. "We've got two days. You may get your white Christmas yet."

Brynn doubted it severely, with the pure logic of pessimism. It wasn't like she could tell the future, she just felt that the sky had something against her - and Christmas.

However, it so happened that Fili was right. _'As_ _usual',_ he said to Brynn when he bounded into her bedroom to tell her that the first flakes were falling. Brynn sprinted from her room, heart already pounding from excitement, and knew Fili would keep up with her. She snagged Kili along her path and dragged him along too, giving no explanations.

When they got to their private balcony the three of them sat on the bench and over looked their land, watching the big fluffy flakes gently drift downwards. It was magical, and Brynn found herself entranced by the sight.

Soon, Fili and Kili were satisfied, and they headed back to the warmth of the mountain. But Brynn could not tear herself away from the snow. It was the second Christmas she was spending in the mountain, but the first one didn't really count as it was only shortly after they had reclaimed the mountain and everything was still ruined and mostly empty. This year, looking at the white blanket slowly accumulating over the mountain and lands, she felt something different than the usual joy she felt at Christmas.

The door to the balcony opened behind her. "Fili and Kili said I would find you here." Thorin came round and sat beside Brynn, wrapping them both in a large fur blanket.

Brynn leaned into her uncles warmth. She had started to get chilled. "It's beautiful."

"It is." Thorin agreed, eyes scanning the landscape, still in awe that they had won it back. His reverence surrounding it all always silenced him.

Uncle and niece sat in the quiet of dusk for a few minutes. Over those few minutes, the feeling Brynn had been stuffing down out of confusion of what it was slowly began to build. She didn't understand it, she didn't like it, and it was nothing like the joy she had been waiting for at the first sight of snow. Warm tears began to track down her cheeks.

"Your mother has made stew for supper tonight. Are you ready to get warmed up?" Thorin asked.

Brynn did not answer. She could not, for speaking would give her and her sadness away. Still, not speaking gave her away just as much.

Thorin looked down and saw his nieces sadness, and held her tighter. "What causes your tears, love? I thought you were excited for snow."

"Oh, uncle, I _was_. I was. And I am, but-" Brynn searched for the words to explain the mix of emotions inside her. "My heart hurts, uncle, and I don't know why."

Thorin was silent for a moment, feeling his own heart start to ache at the hurt of his niece. "Search your heart. It knows why it is in pain, even if your mind does not."

Brynn took Thorins advice and let her thoughts wander freely from the depths of her heart, not judging anything that came to the surface. She knew within moments what it was that was bothering her so, and she hated the thought that it was. She hated the reason.

_War_.

"The first snow," She murmured, curling her hand into Thorins coat as a familiar feeling washed over her - the same feeling of dread and anxiety that had been a constant in the Battle of Five Armies. "The first snow last year fell upon a battlefield."

A cold silence fell over the pair as they both were taken back to that day. It almost felt as if there were ghosts around them - ghosts of memories and events that would forever be a huge part of their stories. Brynn saw the lights of Dale, and in her minds eye flickered it's image in ruins. She saw the fight that went on there. The plains were bare, but she saw the flimsy mirages of soldiers and warriors and orcs.

"I feel it too." Thorin spoke, voice grave. "Ghosts of the past."

Brynn shut her still watery eyes, not wanting to see the memories anymore. "Why did it come? Why did it come when I feel such joy at the same time?" Her voice hiccuped. "And why won't it go away?"

"It came because you have a good heart, love. It came because that battle was the biggest event of your young life. Your feeling of first snowfalls has two kinds of memories now - the joy of Christmas, and the sadness of war. It isn't a bad thing to remember and feel. It deepens the meaning of this time of year."

"Is it bad to feel this way?" Brynn sniffed. "Am I odd?"

"No, sweet Brynn, you are not odd." Thorin smiled warmly at the innocence Brynn still held, despite her maturity and experience. "Allow yourself to feel the sadness and all it brings with it, and then let it go and feel your joy. I think you will find joy is much greater once you have felt sadness."

Brynn looked up at her uncle with glassy eyes. "Fili and Kili do not feel this way."

Thorin met Brynns gaze. "Not now, not about the snow. But I know they feel it in other ways, as I do."

Thorin touched his forehead to Brynns, torn between wishing he could take all her pain away and knowing it would only make her that much stronger of a dwarf.

Thorin pulled away. "Are you ready to go in?"

Brynn shook her head, looking over the land again. "No, uncle. I think I'll stay and watch the memories a little longer. Give them the honour they deserve."

Thorin tucked the blanket around the two of them tighter. "Then I will join you."

Brynn rested her head against Thorins shoulder, feeling his constant warmth and strength flood through her. She let herself cry, silently, and with each tear that fell her heart hurt a little bit less.

When the memories faded and she could no longer see them, Brynn and Thorin went into the mountain and ate the stew Dis had kept warm for them.

Thorin was right. Brynn felt a deeper joy that Christmas than she had ever felt before, and she never tried to keep the memories at bay again.

**It was snowing the day I wrote this, and I started thinking about how much I love a white Christmas and the disappointment when it's green. I thought Brynn would have similar feelings! And then I started thinking about those fluffy flakes that fell on the Battle of Five Armies, and I felt a heaviness. That was such a good creative choice by the filmmakers to keep the snow from the book, and I wanted to touch on it! **

**Merry Christmas all!**


End file.
